Dear Random Stranger who walked past me in the grocery store, grabbed my ass, and said, “Nice,” in front of my three-year-old son, without ever breaking stride…
I generally believe that Karma settles most situations, and, most days, I’d usually step back and allow her to do her work.
Sadly for you, today was not one of those days.
I’m not fluent in Body Language, but I’d guess by the look on your face that you truly didn’t expect me to approach you, and the woman with you, and call you out on your troglodytic behavior. In fact, I’m honestly interested to know what you did expect.
I believe you expected to get away with it.
If my husband had been with me, you wouldn’t have had the nerve. If any guy had been with me, you wouldn’t have had the nerve.
Sadly, you are far from the first stranger to take advantage of me, and countless other women, in this way.
Is it within your realm of thinking to see a small woman alone (except for her toddler son) and just keep walking?
Should I have been the Bigger Person and just let it slide, or take it as the “compliment” that so many others have told me in the past that it’s meant to be?
Hell. No.
If you assumed you’d escape a yelling scene because my son was with me, you were right. He doesn’t see yelling at home, and he certainly isn’t going to see it because you’re a Neanderthal. But if you figured I wasn’t going to verbally decimate you so you’d feel a fraction of the humiliation I felt at your groping hand, you thought wrong.
If you thought you’d just get away with it and mosey on through your day, all self-satisfied with having gotten your hands on a woman’s ass, uninvited, you truly are seven layers of crazy.
(Can I also ask how pathetic your existence is if this is what you do for enjoyment?)
You’ve most likely done this to many women before, most (or, sadly, possibly all) of whom didn’t retaliate because that’s what most of us grow up learning to do. If you have a uterus, you learn to de-escalate these situations at a shamefully early age.
So, for myself and for every other woman you may have violated in the past, you’ve been quietly, tactfully, and justifiably served, sir, in the middle of the grocery store, in front of many strangers, right next to the ranch dressing and croutons.
I hope you remember it every time you eat a salad.
The look on your face was fantastic. Seriously. Were you surprised that I have both a brain in my head and a spine strong enough to stand up to your stupidity? You didn’t answer a single question I asked regarding what made you think grabbing any stranger was acceptable. I had the backbone to set the situation straight, but you didn’t have enough nerve to utter a single syllable in reply.
That’s how cowards act.
Your behavior was so appalling that the woman with you apologized to me on your behalf. I’m indescribably glad that I had the chance to tell her that your lecherous behavior did not reflect on her in the slightest.
When I arrived home and told my husband what happened, he was outraged; not simply because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself (a concept that small children can grasp but that you, a grown man, somehow don’t understand), but because it opened his eyes a little more to how damn difficult it can be to navigate this world without a penis.
That whole de-escalating thing? I’m done with it. It’s a weight and responsibility that I’ve had to carry since the first time a stranger grabbed me, in a crowd at the mall, when I was fourteen years old. It’s a heavy burden and I’m absolutely sick of it. I’ve quietly minimized situations out of embarrassment and fear for my safety too many times, and every time it has also minimized my self-esteem.
We should all be done downplaying our discomfort, fear, and embarrassment at the hands of strangers. We’re minimizing our Selves every time we hold our tongues.
De-escalation isn’t a solution. Calling inappropriate behavior what it is in the harsh light of the public eye might be.
Because it’s not a compliment.
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